


starting to become

by nex_et_nox



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Caitlin definitely accidentally triggered him during the episode, Cisco is bad at dealing with his trauma, Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nex_et_nox/pseuds/nex_et_nox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>["You're starting to become--"<br/>"Killer Frost?"]</em> </p>
<p>Caitlin’s blank expression cracked and laughter broke out instead. Cisco couldn’t count how many times these past few days he had thought he would give anything for a smile to make its way back onto her face. </p>
<p>This just felt like a betrayal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	starting to become

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for the beginnings of a panic attack during this. It's based on how my anxiety attacks generally are, but if anyone notices anything really glaringly wrong, feel free to point it out.
> 
> Vaguely inspired by [this post](http://sovietsuperspies.tumblr.com/post/139949462780/dailycisco-you-are-not-yourself-caitlin-and) and the commentary that I vomited onto it, which led me directly to this fic.

The Caitlin Snow on Earth-2 had never laid her hands on Cisco. He didn’t need her to, because he knew the feel of them, and he could all too easily imagine Killer Frost’s ice creeping along his arms, freezing his chest and breath and the life out of him.

For a moment, he could almost see it happening when Caitlin laid one hand on him.

Not a vibe. Just his own mind messing with him.

Except it wasn’t; her voice was as flat and emotionless as it had been for the past several days, both on Earth-1 and Earth-2, and the prowling walk as she followed him from where he backed away into the counter was all too similar to Killer Frost’s.

One hand rose to protect his chest, the other outstretched in a futile warding gesture, but he wasn’t Reverb, he would never _be_ Reverb, so there was nothing he could do, he was going to die again, killed by someone he thought he could trust—

Caitlin’s blank expression cracked and laughter broke out instead. Cisco couldn’t count how many times these past few days he had thought he would give anything for a smile to make its way back onto her face.

This just felt like a betrayal.

“Cisco?” Caitlin asked, her voice edging into uncertainty.

Cisco realized he was slowly sliding down the counter he was pressed against, his breathing coming too fast and his heart pounding frantically. One hand was still unconsciously raised in front of his chest. He couldn’t force his shaking arm to drop.

“Cisco, are you okay?” Caitlin pressed, concern bleeding into eyes that for a moment seemed to be an unearthly blue surrounded by pale locks of hair, and Cisco flinched away as she moved toward him, his head slamming against the back of the counter.

“Ow,” he gasped, but somehow the pain brought him back down, pulling him out of the grasp of what he realized might have been the start of a panic attack, cut off before it could drag him down into blind terror. His hands finally fell.

“I didn’t mean to—” Caitlin started, the blank mask still lifted from her features so that Cisco could see the honest distress splashed all over them.

“It’s fine,” Cisco said, trying for a laugh. It came out breathy and too high. “It’s – did someone put you up to that? Did you come up with that? Because _wow_. Uh, please never do that again.”

“I didn’t think it would scare you like that,” Caitlin said quietly. “I didn’t stop to think about…” Her eyes drifted down to his hands, loosely curled in his lap.

Yeah. He guessed it would be pretty obvious that he had been shielding his chest. He hadn’t even thought about it; it was practically instinct now, when he was terrified, especially when he was around Harry. It wouldn’t really do anything against a speedster, but a tiny portion of his brain apparently thought that it might.

They stayed like that a minute or two, long enough that Cisco’s breathing evened out and his jackrabbit heartbeat calmed. That was likely what Caitlin had been waiting for.

“You’re not going to become like him,” Caitlin said. Cisco barely hid the flinch, because how had she _known_ about Reverb—? “Thawne,” she clarified, and the world reasserted itself. “And I’m not going to become Killer Frost. I need you to stop worrying about me. I’m still grieving, and I may want to be alone for a little while, but I’m not going to turn into a supervillain.” A brief, wavering smile lit up her face. “Besides, I don’t even have the metagene.”

“But I do,” Cisco whispered. He couldn’t look at Caitlin. “I do, and so did he. The me on Earth-2. Reverb.”

“You met your doppelgänger?” Caitlin asked, her voice obviously aiming for neutral but not quite hitting it.

“He was in charge of Killer Frost and—” _Deathstorm_ , he didn’t say. “—and he was working for Zoom. He had the exact same powers as me, he was _exactly_ what I’m afraid of becoming – he tried to convince me to turn to the dark side with him, he—”

“You’re not him,” Caitlin said fiercely, cutting him off. “He’s a different person on a different Earth and you are _not_ him, the same way I’m not Killer Frost.”

“We could be, though,” Cisco said. “It’d be so easy to be like them, to just fall and take down everyone with us.”

_We could be gods,_ Reverb whispered in his ear.

“It’s not going to happen,” Caitlin said one more time, and stood up from the kneeling position she had taken next to Cisco. “Come on. Barry wants us upstairs.”

Cisco took the outstretched hand, and didn’t shiver at the cool touch and flickers of blue in his vision.


End file.
